Final Fashion Roast: PFW Edition

Au Revoir Fashion month! it’s been good – sometimes.With Paris being our final gossip destination amidst all the craziness of this season, we’re here to deliver you our finale fashion roast! Yes.. we know you’ll miss our reviews, but we’ll be back very soon.. until then! 😉

Balenciaga

 

Allow us to transcribe our literal reactions during the show:

“What the actual fu*k?”

“How do I get those 11 minutes of my life back?”

Demna Gvasalia, who was ironically dressed in an FBI sweatshirt backstage (#FashionPolice needs to fine you and refund us!) has forgotten that he is not designing the satirical fashion house of Moschino, but the iconic house of Balenciaga!? Crocs?! #SupermarketofStyle was an expression made for this collection… and yes, this is counting Chanel’s LITERAL supermarket collection!

Yves Saint Laurent

 

Better. Not the best. While the show theatrics were something to commend, the clothing left us wanting more… More like a real-life #TBT. Anthony Vaccarello’s designs narrated the chicness and eroticism of the Parisian skyline, and what better way to force that down your throat than to have a show in front of the most famous landmark of its skyline: the Eiffel Tower. The show opened with eye-catching pieces that danced between soft & bold, mixing leather and chiffon in a delightful remix. To Vaccarello, his collection was comprised of souvenirs of Yve’s first love, Marrakech, and his Parisian atelier. With ostrich feathered boots, sequin mini skirts, and floating satin bubble dresses, we can’t wait to see those pieces on Russian and Lebanese trophy wives, dancing on table tops of Sky Bar rocking it!

Louis Vuitton

 

 

It seems that PFW designers took a page from the original fashion show show-off. Nicolas Ghesquière always had the best backdrops for his rather lack luster collections (Marc, we miss you!). This season was no different: held in the Louvre’s Pavillon de l’Horloge, the collection started with a silver constructed frock paired with turquoise silk shorts & sneakers. “An American in Paris,” or perhaps inspired by the thousands of fanny pack-wearing American tourists who pass through the Pavillion. The addition of “Stranger Than Fiction” graphic tees were a stoic reminder that the good old days of “wearable art” are officially over. Now bring in Jayden Smith to sing at fashion’s f*cking funeral.

Christian Dior

 

Okay, we know you’re in shock that Dior’s on our sh*t list this fashion week, but we’ve given our girl enough time! With excuses of a rushed transition no longer valid, we expected more from Maria… way more. Her looks revealed the stagnation of a designer who may have bit off more than she could throw up (no one eats at fashion week…no one). With looks that belong in Zara… TRF section! Or worse–Forever 21, Dior went back to denim (new look? More like “look around some more… to another brand!”) & the same berets of last Fall. Regretfully, she included DIY graphic Tees that would get a designer voted off even Project Runway! ( That doesn’t work for us- or Tim Gunn!) A motorcycle jacket, tutu, and ballerina flats? Bae, that was overdone in the 90s?! The one Saving Grace? We can use the motorsuits and race checkered pieces for our series of cliche “Saudi Female Drivers” fashion editorials!

Maison Valentino

 

You see, some designers, *cough* Denma, try to take an iconic label and make it their own, literally messing it all up! But take a look at Valentino, boys and girls, and see how its done: Pierpaolo Piccioli, who cleverly sneaks in his own aesthetic into Valentino’s DNA’s, marrying the two for a collection that has saying… maybe Piccioli did wear the pants?? Enter Valentino’s SS18 collection.. 80’s Valentino disco glam meets star-trek/NASA extraness .. later landing on floral heaven? The collection said it all, clear sequined plastics, monochromatic pairing outfits * obsessing with the reds!* , and perfectly tailored geometric dresses with a major play on prints! YAASS, PiPi!

Alexander McQueen

 

GOD SAVE SARAH BURTON… because she maybe the only one to save fashion! After a series of basic collections and the beginning of remorse over paying inflated fashion week pricing for flights and a suite at the Bristol Hotel, we were beyond thrilled to see the romanticism of fashion return! A love story between baroque draping and florals in nude, gold, & flirtatious pink, the collection evolved with the help of eye catching latex ankle boots, into McQueen’s signature rebellious mode: studs & metallics included. There was something very Kirsten Dunst, innocent yet sinister about each look, intriguing the viewer and making the introduction of denim-on-denim, more of a cleansing palette, rather than a crutch (sorry, Maria).

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